The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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