Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my shit smells like andre
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
