I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
