Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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