the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
