remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
