I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
