I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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