I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
3 2 1 whiskey
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
