I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
