I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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