my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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