I wanna bring you to show and tell
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We smell like vodka and hangover
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