so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Blood and glitter go together right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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