btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
