We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
