I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
