Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
