Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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