I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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