someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
