you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
