pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
that may or may not have been my penis.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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