i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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