3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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