you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
