god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
