I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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