I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
