My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
