Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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