we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
