I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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