The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
