when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
