I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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