her vagine was all disorganized.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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