my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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