my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
