She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
