She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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