hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
