dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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