I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
