Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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