You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
