How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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