I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
