when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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