He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
