Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
