I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
