I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
