walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
